Ask a cat is an advice column featured in the Alaska Landmine. Have a question for the Cat? Email askacat@alaskalandmine.com or click here to submit via a form (anonymous) to get the answers to any of life’s problems.
Dear Cat,
Why can’t contractors ever finish a job on time and in budget? I would really like to know.
Dear Human,
Good Question. Cat doesn’t really know. Cat has overheard excuses, but certainly does not undertake much employing of humans outside kibble distribution and general litter box maintenance services. Oh sure, over the years Cat has seen their human deal with contractors say they will do a project in two days and really take two months. Cat has seen invoices for thousands when estimates were hundreds. Does Cat know why some contractors are fabricating Frenchies and loafing Labradors? Not really. Does Cat know how to fix it? Not really.
As it were, it sounds like you have already had (or are in the process of having) a bad experience with a project. Purrhaps the best you can do with the next is to ask family and friends for recommendations and set very clear expectations with those you hire from the beginning. You may find that this is just a reality of the industry. Excuses will abound, and things will get done…eventually. Alternatively, you could learn to undertake these tasks yourself. Unless you are willing to learn many new skills, Cat suspects you will just have to accept the irksome nature of the process.
Dear Cat,
For the last couple of days at my work there has been a very good-looking man working on a landscaping project (he isn’t an employee here, it’s a company they’ve hired.) I’ve basically been watching him through my window and I’m starting to feel like a creep. I would kind of like to ask him out, but how would I even go about doing that? Please answer before this project is over!
Dear Human,
According to one of my readers, there is no real worry about this gentleman finishing his work in a timely manner. Your main problem seems to be how to appear in his vicinity somewhat naturally while maintaining a shred of dignity. Honestly, Cat recommends you do a little light internet stalking as long as you’re already acting like a creep with a staring problem. Surely the name of the company is on the side of a work truck nearby. Give it a Google. Alternately, Cat firmly believes everyone has a friend with FBI levels of investigative skill – put them on the job. Knowing if this man is already in a relationship would (hopefully) give you some direction.
Let’s be bold and assume that he is single and a worthy prospect. Cat thinks you have a couple options. First, you could just park your car as close to the target as possible and try to spark a friendly conversation as you leave for the day. Second, you could recruit the help of a more adventurous coworker and ask them to wander out there to try and set you up. Cat encourages you to do your own dirty work. You may find upon getting a little closer that your object of interest is not what you built them up to be in your head. Additionally, if landscaper gentlemen declines your advances, respect that boundary and don’t create an uncomfortable work environment for the duration of his project-however long that may be.
Dear Cat,
It didn’t occur to me that I could ask a Cat wedding questions until your column a couple weeks ago. Since my wedding is in August, here’s mine. I know this isn’t a new problem, but how am I supposed to moderate the interactions between my fiancés ultra conservative family and my fairly liberal one? Neither side seems to have the ability to not make things political, and our event is taking place over a few days with a welcome picnic, the actual wedding/reception, and activities the following days. I feel like beyond planning a wedding, I’m equally stressed by trying to figure out how to keep people from getting into red vs. blue yelling matches at the event. What do you recommend?
Dear Human,
Cat recommends your respective family members act like grown ups and focus on the reason they have all gathered in the first place. Feel free to show them this column. It’s not a political rally that brings them together, it is your wedding. Once again, if possible, Cat is going to recommend outsourcing. Unless you specifically know that Aunt Amy is planning on wearing a MAGA hat to the reception, Cat does not think you need to do anything preemptively. Sending out a blanket email ahead of time that says “don’t get into politics during the bouquet toss” will likely backfire and have your guests showing up defensive.
It is very possible that your family will enjoy themselves and focus on the wedding at hand. Consider assigning one or two levelheaded wedding party members to mediator patrol if you are truly concerned conversations over hors d’oeuvres are going to come to fisticuffs. Any human that decides being a wedding guest is an invitation to promote their politics deserves to be properly shamed for their selfishness. In the meantime, let’s hope you enjoy all the wedding festivities. Just remember, you are not responsible for the behavior of your adult family members.
Cat Chat:
Humans, this week may you be mindful to find balance between boldness and audacity. May you embrace the boldness of putting yourself out there for a potential love interest, and may you know that it is cat-egorically audacious to think your political opinions are welcome at a wedding (or that your contractor will show up on time.) 🐾
